Store Wars
by herRhi-chan
Summary: Ichigo gets a job at the mall's Hot Topic...he meets the anti-morning Shiro wh feels a definite attraction,good right? little does he know he's walked into a 'war zone'. eventual Shiro/Ichi right now T for Shiro's excessive swearing :D
1. Chapter 1

I am such a freak, XD. Okay basically I tweaked the whole 'You don't go into Hot Topic wearing Aeropostal' shit, but instead of naming all the Abercrombie and what the fuck I changed it to an even worse store that makes me wanna claw my eyes out with grimmjows kitty hands- Justice. It's a little girls clothing stores. EVERYTHING IS FUCKING PINK! Oh my god it burned so much I wanted to soak in bleach…the Clorox stuff and the anime…ooooh lala but anyway, I hope this is okay…oh, and don't be offended if I offend you. It's funny and obvious, but the idea for this struck me when I went to the mall…lol

He could see his reflection in the big glass doors. Bright spiky orange hair, brown eyes rimmed with a little eye liner, and tan skin. His tight purple skinny jeans and purple girl's tee clung to him tightly. He'd had to borrow one from his sister because all of his were packed up in boxes in his apartment. It was the least girly, but it was so tight it made _him_ look like he had curves, which he refused to believe.

He needed to get a new job so he could afford the rent. The place he had worked at before burned down, because some asshole thought it'd be funny to smoke around a propane tank. That was not fun trying to herd people out of an exploding building.

So now he was at the entrance to the mall, place of a million shops, in hopes that one of the stores would need an employee…maybe one that wasn't ridiculous…some of the shops weren't even open anymore, out of business signs and the metal wall things over the clear entrances. He continued to wander around, not exactly sure where he was going.

The first place he tried, some shoe store, turned him down because of his 'attire'.

'pfft…'

Then his eyes caught a glimpse of black and red, the glorious sign of..Hot Topic.

Shiro POV

Goddamn…why am I awake? I can't remember. I was spinning in the chair I normally sat in behind the black counter, my head banging against the wall in a sad attempt to knock myself out for some sleep. Damn that rave and my weak ability to resist them…my iPod was blasting some song at a deafening volume to the average human ear. I didn't care, who needs hearing anyway?..what? I don't understand why I have to be up this early on a goddamn Sunday. There's no one even up in the world, let alone the mall. 9am is seriously too early. Cracking an eye open I spied on the others, how can anyone bear to move? Oh my god…

Harribel stood by the chair she gave piercings in. She told me once that she wanted to work in a tattoo place, and damn was she good at it. She had one of her legs and her hip completely inked, all different designs falling into each other, separate things, completely random, but somehow she could get them to blend and make perfect sense. She's a damn genius. Her face was mostly covered though by a zipper jacket that hardly concealed any part of her enormous chest, and a tattoo of a '3' could be seen on the left one. She also had on a pair of dark blue skinnies. I saw the other two whispering to each other by a rack of some Twilight bullshit. Why we had to even bring that shit in was a mystery to me. Ulquiorra, the emo-est of all emos stood there his arms crossed and a depressed look on his face. When he wasn't being such an emotionless bastard he was kinda fun and cute. He had dark green eyes and thick green eye-liner tear tracks down his cheeks. His skin was white enough to rival mine.

Grimmjow was still talking to his boyfriend. I snickered quietly at his blue eye markings. He'd gotten the tattoo when he was drunk from some dumbass with ink. He came in the next day, and I laughed my ass off.

No one was in here yet, but I kept my one eye open. You never know when those pink lovin' bitches are coming…it was because of our ongoing 'store wars' that the last guy who'd worked here quit. The pink hair dye in the sprinkler system and the fire alarm. That was the final straw. Sigh, damn Justice girls, they were going to pay for that.

I heard the door open and peeked my other eye open. My blessed and lucky eye. Bright orange hair could be seen over the counter I was banging my head against. As the orange poof got closer I could see a pair of disappointed chocolate colored eyes and a deep scowl that looked like it had been carved into the tan face. So far, very cute. He came up to where I was and he was all nervous like, wringing his hands. The shirt he was wearing was incredibly tight, making him look more feminine especially with the eyeliner, very tempting.

"yes?" I drawled sleepily, he looked annoyed.

"you work here, right?"

"no, I just come here to sleep."

"…"

"I'm kiddin', no shit I work here…" oops, he looked pissed now…oh well.

"the answer's probably no, but is there any way I could get a job here?" he closed his eyes and his cheeks turned pink, I swear I could've squealed 'kawaiii!'

I shrugged in answer when he blinked and pointed to Harribel. She was pretty much the boss around here, but damn did I want him to stay. Harribel looked at the cute boy, and nodded. She asked him questions, probably the same shit she asked me. Hmm. She caught my eye when she looked up. I shook my head violently up and down, oh hell yes.

She took him to the back room, probably getting papers or whatever signed, schedule worked out, and I dutifully stared at the ceiling. It was black. A few weeks ago I got tired of staring at the plain black ceiling, so I offered to paint it if I was given the materials. One of my favorite things to do is paint. Now, on my second favorite thing to stare at were streaks of color, blending across the ceiling from bright shades melding into blackness, in the corners I'd splotched golden and red with silvery white into shapes that resembled galaxies from a telescope. I am not a science nerd, I just have a thing for space and the idea of other worlds. Don't judge. After I was satisfied with the paint job I hooked up multi colored flashing lights. So all I had to do was climb a ladder, press a button, ad my eyes would be entertained. Unless an epileptic walked in…then I'd have to turn them off…maybe.

Glancing out the glass window, which also had some random designs of mine on it, I saw shiny black hair on 'the Midget'. That's what I called her. It was un known to the owner of the building, and most of the little shops here, but this whole mall (though mostly this little section here) was a war zone. Several stores were involved in the ongoing fight, but it was mostly the girls from the Justice little girly clothes place. And that head of black hair was the instigator!

"Ogihci" a gruff woman's voice sounded right next to me. I switched my iPod off quickly so she wouldn't break this one.

"Ogihcii!" and there went my left eardrum.

"Whaa-?"

"you watch him. That shouldn't be a problem for you" she smirked. Bitch.

"pfft, yeh yeh, whateveh." I bit down on the metal nub on the back of my lower lip, chewing on the back of the piercing. It was a bad habit of mine, but it was better then chewing on your nails, eh? It popped off and I re-snapped it with my fingers. I tasted blood so I licked the back of it. I could tell my eyebrows were scrunched up because my eyes were crossed. I heard an amused chuckle, and I quickly recovered my composure.

"I wasn' doin' nothin'~" it was the orange headed kid.

"so~…you're, how do you say it, O-git-si?"

I hate my first name, so goddamn much. Growling a little I answered, "no. no, don' call meh tha' it burns… Shirosaki, but ya can jus' call m'Shiro, kay?"

"awright, then, my names Ichigo. The scary blonde woman said you're going to watch me and say whether I can keep the job…though it looked like you were having problems with watching your own nose" he laughed. It was cute, but not at my expense.

"oh, shaddup ginger" that shut him up. He scowled. Okay never mind, the laughing at my expense is better.

"Sorry" eh, I didn't mean it, and he knew it, but he just nodded, his face un-scowl-ifying.

"Sooo…what do I do?"

"pfft, basically, stare at the ceiling until someone comes in. it's really only busy Saturdays 'n Fridays, whenever there's a party er whatever. Then ya jus' help 'em if they're retarded. At tha end o' the day there's an inventory of all the loose _items_, an' then some'n takes the trash out- usually Ulquiorra- and then we leave. Simple enough?"

He nodded…hmm to warn him of the war zone hazard or not…

"anything special I need to know?"

To warn it is then.

"well, Ichi, you've entered the war zone" I smiled at his 'what-the-fuck face.

"well, a while back one of the girls from a few squares over came in here an' knocked down two shelves full o' stuff. Said it was an accident, bu' we, bein' ourselves went for revenge. So durin' one o' their busiest days, we all got dressed up in our awesomely amazing clothes here, creepy makeup and spikes an' all and scared us some little girls. Since then there's been a sort of…we-will-get-you-for-that type war, occasionally the employees from other stores get involved. Particularly the Victoria secret girls…but that's okay sometimes…heh heh." His expression clearly read 'what-the0fuck-are-you-on?-and-where-do-I-get-some…' I couldn't help but laugh at it.

"what…thefuck?"

"all I'm sayin' is watch fer them girls, don' trust 'em."

"…the mall security and the owner doesn't mind?"

"it's a secreeeet…we don't exactly advertise 'bout it. sheesh"

"you're so retarded" he laughed again. Still as cute as the first time.

"m'kay…so"  
"well, I know who you are, the insane albino, Shiro. Who's everyone else?"

Pfft, I am not insane. I have several papers stating so.

"I'm just sun-deprived. Well, ya know Harribel. She looks nice, but you do NOT want to mess with her. The only guy that ever dared to call her 'hairy ball' was found in a ditch with multiple stab and burn wounds."

He gulped audibly, "right, note to self, don't piss her off…"

"that's Ulquiorra, the one with the black hair, green eyes, and funky makeup. He barely talks, but if you call him batman he'll beat the fuck outta you. And don't even try to make nice with him, unless ya think ya can handle 'the glare of doom'."

His thin fuzzy orange eyebrow quirked and he eyed me with the same 'what the hell are you on' look.

"last an' least is t Grimmjow. He's an asshole, plain an' simple. An' if I were ya, I wouldn't say nothin' 'bout his blue eyeshadow tattoo." I still couldn't control my giggles.

"oh, you have a snakebite" he just now noticed?

"why, yes, yes I do"

"I've always wanted a snakebite, I think they're sexy."

He was so teasing me…swear to the non-existent gods…that made me chew even more on the back of the piercing. I stared at him curiously, and he stared back defiantly. Okay, no denying it, I like him.

Then, the inevitable happened. Someone came in the door. Damn it. Some chick with her hair teased and spiked out at least five inches. Damn good hairspray…her arms were bedecked with bracelets up to her elbows, and she had a goofy smile.

Automatically Ichigo stepped back, studying the person who was perusing the hair-dye.

Looking around I noticed that we were the only ones up front now. Che, lazy-asses went in the back.

As soon as the girl left, spewing something about Twilight versus Harry Potter, even more people came in. How the hell are so many people up at…10? I watched Ichigo wander around doing the typical 'this-is-my-first-day-gotta-make-a-good-impression' routine. The fake smile on his face made him look sick though…ah well.

i visually wandered around the walls, staring at some of the shit we had hanging up. you know, my mind must llove teasing me, or know really great ways to motivate me, b'cuz the second my eyes hit those short skirts with the studs and chains, I couldn't quit merging the images of Ichi and short skirts. Hot damn, I'd just met the guy and I'm already imaginin' strange things. Snap out of tit dumbass!

"uh, heller?" oh right, I was at the counter…at my job. Okay work now…do other things later. Only two more hours until my twenty minutes lunch break. More like…run-as-quick-as-you-can-to-the-nearest-Starbucks break…

Several people remarked about the ceiling, asking who painted it, "your. Mom."…and saying how 'abstract' it was. Damn straight it's abstract…cuz realism is for pricks. If they think the ceiling's great, they should check out Harribel's legs. Not only are they fine, but the tattoo artidtry fuckin' amazin' ten times better then anything I could do. Hmm, though I've never tried with a tattoo gun b'fore, wonder what it's like.

All of a sudden the music that was playin' from the speakers stopped. What the- and then something terrible happened…I heard something start saying 'baby' over and over again, oh dear god, it was the Justin Beaver kid! Holy fuck. I could feel the few brain cells I had start to melt and blood drip from my ears…okay maybe I was exaggerating…but only a little. I caught a glimpse of shiny black hair and I knew who the culprit of this atrocity was…those goddamn Justice girls! I could see Ichigo's eye twitch, well that was good, he had a sense of hearing. Dropping whatever I was holding-probably a customer's clothes, I raced to the stereo, kicked it, and almost ripped the ear-sore out.

My turn now…gotta think of something.


	2. Chapter 2

Quote: you can contract Mesothelioma by being exposed to assholes. (not asbestos) XP (sorry! i stayed up late again watching commercials...)

I kept staring at the clock on the wall. Five minutes seemed more like five hours. The rush of people that were here before were gone. I was left with the option of falling asleep and drowning in my own drool, or sit there and stare at the clock willin' it with my epic mind powers to hurry the fuck up!

So far, it had been about twenty minutes…leaving me with about…half an hour until the blissful coffee break came for me. Harribel was marking herself up with sharpie, probably designing her next tattoo, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were on their break. Hmm, that meant Ichigo was by himself. I spotted him over by the band tees…which just so happened to be under the skirts of skimpiness. Sometimes, I love the way my mind works, but here and now is not the place for a boner. Seriously? What the fuck? Thinking about Ichigo modeling those led my mind down a new path, one involving another thing I wanted; revenge. And then I had it! I knew what I'd do now. let's see, the pink squad's break is at twelve fifteen…mine's at twelve, so that'll gimme five minutes, can I do it? hell yes, I can. I'll need someone to distract them though someone they don't know yet…hmm I wonder if I know anyone who's a good distraction? Oh wait, yes I do, and my eyes I realized were transfixed on his ass. Alright.

I walked up b'hind him tappin' him on the shoulder. He jumped and I laughed. I did not giggle…okay maybe it was a giggle. Whatever. I was taller then him by a good inch, and that tight purple shirt was even better up close. Now I noticed we were both wearing black skinnies. Awesome. Though mine were beter…they had chains.

"hey, we both got 'snack time' in a'bout fifteen minutes, and I got somethin' I wanna do with ya" can you sound like anymore of a perv, Shiro? Well I could…

His cheeks turned pink I had to resist the urge to touch them/squeak/laugh my ass off.

"wh-at is it?" he stuttered, haha, so his mind was in the same place as mine, excellent. I nibbled some more on the back of my snakebite.

"I came up with a way ta get those bitches back fer beaver boy"

He relaxed, the pink leaving his face, and his eyebrows furrowing. Aww, was that disappointment?

"do I really have to get into this?"

"yes, yes by order of me, you have to. Actually, now that I think of it, yer tha only person who it'd work with, cuz they ain't seen ya yet"

"what do I have to do?"

"okay, our break is fifteen minutes before theirs, I wantcha ta talk to 'em, distract 'em or somethin' fer a few more, at least until I give ya a signal or somethin', kay?"

"fine, but you WILL buy me coffee, I am a walking dead man…"

"yes, zombie strawberry" I mock-saluted him. Yes, this would so work.

I glanced at the clock again, two minutes. I had to get…the required materials from the back. We had extra thick sharpie, some super glue…and yes! Perfect, for some odd and unexplainable, but very good in this case, we had two skin tone funnels. I smirked envisioning my plan complete. Just for the hell of it I put a roll of black duct-tape on my wrist as a bracelet. Cackling in a non-creepy way, I left the room, dragging a scared looking confused Ichigo with me. To the coffee!

I absolutely loved this place, it was right across from Hot Topic, and it always smelled like…well robust, like a coffee shop. The Starbucks was one of the neutral stores- never got involved in the pranks- so I called it Switzerland- and no fuckin' dammit that's not a goddamn Twilight reference, that's a world war reference. Yes, maybe I did pay attention in history class…

The green haired girl who wore too much blush, and worked the counter knew me well, when I said "surprise me" she always did. Drinkwise I mean…I never knew what I wanted so I just asked for whatever she felt like making, I swear man this chick would throw together the strangest tea and coffee blends banana-mocha frappacino? What the fuck? But it tastes good. Today though, I knew what I wanted. Just plain throat scalding coffee. She looked at me as if I were high. What was up with the what-are-you-on looks?

"get watcha want, Ichi..go" had to add the last part… once we were sitting down at my table-yes it had my name on it, in sharpie- I explaind to him exactly what I was gonna do. He laughed for five minutes straight. He must not get out that much…

I checked the clock in here –some strange meowmix clock- twelve-twelve, hmm make a wish? Aw. Fuck I don't even get that, I nodded to him and dashed out the door before the midget could spot me.

The 'Justice for girls' store was on the upper level, so I crashed into an old lady on the stairs, and halted in front of the glass door with the 'back-in-five' sign. There was no one around here, which was good, so I tried the door, they didn't even lock it…too easy With my 'tools' in hand, I opened the door and walked up to the mannequin at the front of the store. I pulled the hideous pink shirt-thing-tie off of it, along with the rip off bright purple 'skinny' jeans. Pfft. With my trusty sharpie in hand I did the traditional monocle and mustache on the face, cliché o know. Uncapping the super glue, I smeared a huge glob onto the inside of the funnels and smashed them onto the over-sized doll's chest. Deciding to use my ducttape bracelet after all, I wrapped some tight around the waist of the thing and between the legs, completing my topless frozen bikini mannequin look. Oh, fuck yes. I dumped some more super glue to its feet and set it back in the store window firmly so it couldn't be moved.

Screw mastercard, THIS was priceless.

I took a picture with my shitty phone jus' ta show off, stuffed my things back into my pockets and left, putting the sign back in place, and going down to the first floor in the opposite direction. I returned to the front of the coffee shop, finding a pink head and two dark haired girls facing an uncomfortable lookin' Ichigo. I waved my arms like an idiot, getting his attention. I knew I did cuz his one eye widened in the expression I was so used to. He smiled that same sick looking fake smile and backed away from the demons. I stayed out of their line of sight so they wouldn't suspect anything.

"so, it worked?" I showed him the picture a huge and real smile splitting his face.

"you're funny, I don't think I'd ever do something like that." I think that was a compliment, hooray.

We headed back to our store, running, seeing as we were five minutes late…I did not want Harribel's version of the glare of doom. As if knowing that the employees on duty were late, people had swarmed the black room, making a line that must've back out to my horrible-but-barely-functioning-car in the parking lot. I was used to the crowd at this place, from posers to potheads to your average dork to the hardcore break your neck kids. hough the ones that amused me the ones were the ones with funky hair, usually they were girls…ones with cleavage big and small, not that it mattered.

Ichigo stood in front of the actual working register, leaving me with the one that you needed to do the math for. Not that it was a bad thing, I mean if anything I could use the practice in math, though I was half-tempted to put up a 'see next register' sign…oh well.

Satisfaction and a smirk came to me when I heard three synchronized shrieks, oh yes, payback's a bitch. Ichigo turned to mirror my expression. Huh, he could pull off the smirk better then I could…bastard. Then the imagery came…him smirking at me as he undid my-

"Oi!, you!" this goddamn job thing was so not working! And apparently my sanity wasn't in operation either… I rung up the rude dyed black-blonde's shit. What the hell is it with these Twilight people? If they had to choose a movie to obsess over, at least pick Alice in wonderland…or Underworld…or Bloody Valentine…blood and gore are awesome…or something with a half-decent plot!

"hey! What's y-" right right, I have to be in my mind at work.

It was two hours before the mob cleared out. My feet hurt now from too many idiots asking for things up on high shelves. Once again, led to those skirts. Harribel and the other two finally came back out about half way through. Her glare chased off most of the crowd. Ul and Grimm came to 'relieve' us from sitting at the counter, and Harribel, who was boss, stood there. Because it was her job to supervise. Neh.

Today was Thursday, so I left an hour early to go do my community service. No, I was not on parole or whatever, I did volunteer work because I, Shirosaki, am I good person! Bullshit, I did it so I could be eligible for some scholarship. Ugh, eighty-five hours…

"hey newbie," I teased, he turned and scowled, " think ya can handle the last hour of the shift alone?"

"…sure, why?"

"I, uh, have somethin' I gotta do."

"sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll?" maybe…

"no, I have, um, _volunteer_' work" I said it with obvious distaste.

"where do you _volunteer_ at?" he said it it the same tone. Pfft, nosy bastard. I was so not fond of where I went Thursdays…goddamn it was embarrassing, but it was one of my many weaknesses including temptation…

"um…it's a building" how descriptive "it's over by the old bridge, next to an art supplies store. The only thing really there…next to the old people home of dementia" did I work with old people? No, no I didn't.

"what's the matter, afraid I'll show up if you tell me the name?" he was teasing but it had an undertone of pissed-off-ness.

"na…hell if ya came there it'd be a lot less of hell" I really just said that didn't I? how corny. It got a cute reaction outta him though, more pink staining his features, on him though pink was so the new black. Damn, I did not just think that.

Ah, saved by the…ticking. It was four somehow, magically our conversation had stretched over millennia…

"I gotta go, Ichi…go" I kept missing the go part…eh. I clocked out, grabbing my keys, and heading towards the parking lot. Damn, it was cold outside, and guess who forgot their jacket in the back? Fuck, well I couldn't go get it not, my _charges_ were waiting for me.

My beaten up nut functional car was parked all the way in the back, I did it so it wouldn't get keyed, not that it really mattered. When I first got it, it was painted the most hideous vomit-inducing shade of green, so I took all the left over paint from doing the ceiling and doodled on my car. But it's wall paint, not car paint, so now all my eyes, faces, stars, planets, blobs of shaded colors, etc, were peeling off in flakes. It didn't matter to me though, it got me where I wanted to go, and it didn't guzzle gas like a goddamn Hummer. The floor of my car was once black, but now every inch of it was smothered in paintings or doodads I made. Yes, I liked working with my hands. No I was not a handjob person. Just wanna get that straight.

I nodded at my bobble head hula-girl, she returned the gesture. It wasn't my idea, it was there when I fished this sucker outta the dump. And yes, there were fuzzy dice on the mirror.

I peeled out of the parking lot, heading to my doom, where I was sure they'd find my body clawed open and covered in fur. I was just glad I only went there once a week… though half the complaints I don't actually mean, it IS kinda relaxing there…unless someone started a fight…

Ichigo POV

I had thirty minutes left of the day, and I was pleased. My first day had gone better then expected. I still chuckled a little when I thought about what he said he did to the dummy in the window, I'd walk by to see his 'artistry' on my way out. I was kind of amazed that he was the one who'd painted the ceiling, he said it was nothing, but it was awe-worthy. The planets were all grouped together to look like a giant shining eye, and the colors that blended together looked like tear drops from the right angle. From a different perspective it looked just like a bunch of colors artfully splotched together. I could spend hours looking at it and finding different shapes.

If Harribel was better then he was, I'd risk death to see her leg…well maybe not death…and maybe just a picture.

I was searching through boxes looking for the 'right shade of light green hairdye' my god, we have what is on the fucking shelf. On my way out I saw a black and white striped hoodie on the wall.

I told the man there was no 'light-green' and he left disgruntled. Whatever, it's not my fault he wants to dye his hair fucking green. That was the last person, so I went and locked the glass doors.

"hey Harribel" I pronounced it carefully so it didn't even sound like 'hairy ball'. She nodded, peeking out from underneath her blonde bangs, "whose jacket is that in the back?"

"black and white?" wow, her voice was husky for a chick, but still feminine, I swear!

"yeah"

"Ogihci's" she must love pissing him off.

I went back to the room and grabbed his jacket. It was really cold outside by now, and I think he'd want it. he'd said enough for me to have a vague idea of where he was at, and whether he liked me or not, I would give him his jacket…that was why I was going to this much trouble, just…to give him his jacket.

I grumbled to myself the whole way out to the parking lot. Thankfully I'd parked close enough to the entrance that it wasn't far. It was snowing outside, holy damn. I put the jacket on just to make it to my car. It smelled good, almost musky but not disgusting, if cold water had a smell that would be it, saturated in it. something you want to immerse yourself in. what the hell?

I opened my car's door shaking my head. It's a black and silver…Bug. There were books all over the passenger seat, and the heat was on all the way when I turned the ignition.

"okay, over by the old bridge, next to an art supplies store, next to the old people home, simple enough, I hope."

* * *

eh, eh?


	3. Chapter 3

I found an orange fluffy spider when I was jumping off cliffs once, I named him Ichigo. The next one I named Ichigo the 2nd and the next one I named Ichigo the 4th…I stepped on the 3rd…may his fluffy arachnid soul rest in peace…

'why do they have jello-shots?

Because pudding with vodka is nasty'- I have no idea...

Ch-3

Well, I think this is the right place, I'm really not in the mood for looking like an idiot today, that was yesterday. Just kidding. This was the only building space next to the old collapsed bridge, and I could see the nursing home's sign, and an art supplies store across the street. In the lot next to it there was a smaller cement building, and in the parking lot infront of it, more like parking space, there was a small-ish car with what can only be described as most likely a Shiro-style-paint-job…it actually looked pretty neat, except for the whole peeling off the doors factor.

I pulled in, avoiding the head on collision with…a lamp post, turned the ignition and stepped out, pulling his jacket off. There wasn't a sign on the door that I could see, but I really wasn't paying that much attention. The door was…barred? And when I opened it there was another gate with a sign that read 'shut the front door before entering'. What the hell was he doing?

I looked up and straight ahead, through yet another door, and spotted his black and green converse hovering a little off the floor with the laces undone and hanging down. at the end of it, chewing and pawing at it was a little grey cat? So he brought a cat to his volunteer work…

I walked up closer to him, his jacket in hand. He was facing away from me, so I went up right behind him, intending on surprising him…but his earbuds were jammed in. Then I noticed there was a syringe between his thumb and a ball of fluff, which looked like it was drinking it...huh?  
His other hand was stroking against an even bigger ball of fluff with huge eyes. It was staring at me. I stared back. Something rubbed against my leg and I looked down to see another ...cat? There was one purring against the leg he was balanced on too.

So…h-he works with cats? I couldnt help but burst into fits of giggles, so glad his earbuds were in. finally taking a look around I noticed there were tons of green and yellow eyes narrowed at me…strangely the cat-glares made me nervous and I capped my snickers. I watched him for a few more minutes, he was an awesome multi-tasker, swirling his raised foot to tease the one kitty with his shoelace, petting the ginormous cat sitting next to him in a chair, and nursing a little kitten with one hand, while being a scratching post for a fourth cat. Okay, it was incredibly hard to resist the urge to laugh.

Shiro POV

Okay, these cats must have like…five layers of fur if they're not cold. This poor little kitten-thing-mabob. I had to admit, it was adorable, little orange fluffiness and blue surprised eyes- damn, I could be such a damn girl. if I had I choice, I think I would still work here…and not because Yuroichi threatened to sic her cat mafia on me.

Charles II was using my leg like a scratching post…damn cat. I fought the urge to kick him, because I wasn't particularly fond of dying today. My other leg was getting tired of moving around, but if I stopped entertaining Samantha, then I'd have ta find a straight jacket her size. It seemed like the only normal kitty in the whole place was the fluffinator curled up in my hand.

My song changed and I heard purring…and laughter? That was not Yuroichi's…I knew who it was, why the fuck was Ichigo here? Well, damn.  
So far, I've managed to not announce to the world that I'm lord of the cats. I turned around slowly, as not to piss of the hissers, still petting the fat cat in the chair. Ichigo looked amused, the scowl replaced with a cute smirk and a quirked eyebrow. In his hand was…my jacket. He came all the way here to gimme my jacket? That…makes him a waaay better person then I am.

"uh..here?" he extended the hand holding the black and white-ness. I wiped the excessive shedding off my fingers-I could give asthma attacks to the world just by walking by- and took my jacket back.

I really wished he hadn't seen that...me nursing a kitten is such an image-killer…I scratched the back of my head and nibbled on my piercing. It bled, goddamn thing. "mmmh…thanks I guess" not meeting his face…and of course, now that my object of interest is here, I start picking out all the embarrassing cat paraphernalia glued on the walls. Another meow-mix clock, cat shaped dolls things on the walls…gold plated scratching post- I swear this woman's insane- oh and not to mention the entire world's cat population now wandering away from their food bowls and strategically placed toy mice, to come and beg to be petted. I sighed deeply, very annoyed with these pussies.

"cats? I s'pose that's better then old people" he was kidding right? Old people were way better, the worst they could so was scream at you ta get off their lawn, or die on you. These cats? they were pure evil! They had claws the size of kitchen knives, teeth like a razor blade…and their version of 'playing' was clawing off your face and gnawing on your insides. Che, yeah. Old people were demented, but cats are demonic. Especially the one we mistakenly call fluffy…I think he eats people…just to spite me for callin' him fluffy. Whatever.

Awkward silence, then I heard maniacal hissing, spitting, and growling. This was the true meaning of a cat-fight, girls shredding each other are NOTHING compared to actual cats. Sparing Ichigo a glance I said, "if I don't come back, tell Harribel to pay my rent for me" he laughed, but I was serious. Then, armed with my squirt bottle I darted off towards the rumbling balls of fur. Of course, Charlie, evil incarnate, had picked yet another fight, an epic battle of who gets the mouse. My god, damn cats. I swear being here was worse then a fuckin' soap opera. Just for the hell of it, to make myself look like even more of an idiot, I hissed at the cats and released my fury via squirt bottle.

Well, Ichigo hadn't called me a freak yet, actually he was watching me and laughing. Pride be damned, I did something purely for his and my amusement…yes, I did the tuck-roll-squirt, eliciting lots and lots of hisses. Returning to normal…well kind of normal…barely normal-but less weird then before- I picked up Charlie, and set him down in a cage by himself. Usually all the kitties were allowed to roam free, that's why there were two doors, but occasionally assholes like Charlie picked fights. Or bit me…or did something else to piss me off.

Out of the corner of my eye, and oblivious to Ichigo, I studied him even closer then before. His neck was just straight tan skin-no marks or bites or hickeys, and his lips weren't swollen or bitten, which meant he was hopefully single, or not that far in a relationship, either way it was good…in my opinion. His hair was smooth and shiny, even if it did look messy, and when he wasn't angry, his face looked peaceful and perfect. Goddamn, I'm a fuckin' obsessed ruh-tard. then, as if it were somethin' new, which it wasn't, I just noticed the necklace he wore it was silver on a black cord, and it looked like a pocket-watch. How did I not see that before?

"hey, Ichi…go" what was my problem with calling him Ichi? "what's that pocket-watch?" I stepped in front of him, after making sure I'd sealed that Charlie-demon away, and pointed at it.

"oh, it's a locket, I've got a picture of my family in it" aw, he was into the sentimental things. Cute. He popped it open, the watch face swinging out, and inside it was a picture of two little girl-its, a creepy looking man, a pretty woman…and a miniature Ichigo. Huh, he was even cuter when he was a kid…and I am so not a pedophile. I swear to the non-existent gods. He snapped it shut. I noticed that we were really close, his eyes were a bunch of different shades of brown…I chewed on the back of the stud again…

"y-your eyes…are?" yea, yea. My eyes were black and gold. Pfft, it's called a birth defect, learn it, live it, love it. wait till he sees my tongue…I can think of several scenarios where he would…'see' me tongue.

"uh-huh. My eyes." He nodded. Hm, he didn't ask questions. That was good.

"so what now?"

"well, we could do the time warp"

"…"

"jus' a suggestion…and I wont kill y- I'd appreciate if ya didn't go an' tell the universe tha' I work with furries, eh?" he nodded. Well, this wasn't so bad. And I only had an hour left till I got to go home.

"wanna drink?" armed with my spray bottle, I snuck up on the cat sitting in the chair in front of the fridge. As soon as she saw me, she dashed off in the other direction. Smart cat. I opened the door of the not-so-cold refrigerator spying only one bottle left, what has the world come to?

"there's only one left, wanna split it?" not looking for an answer I popped the top of it, and slammed the door, gaining a hiss from the monster atop it. damn cats were everywhere…long after humans go extinct, there wont be cockroaches ruling the planet, but an army of cats…with lasers. Hmm, Ichigo as a cat…that would be interesting…have to keep that in mind along with the skirts and the-

"am I allowed to have a sip? Don't disappear on me now…" right, right, damn I couldn't even go out of my mind after work! He took a long slurp, stealin' my mothahfuckin soda…on this mothafuckin' plane. Just kidding.

"so, why do you have to do this?" he waved an arm out gesturing to cat-ville, and narrowly missed an aerial attack from Charlie. Lucky, the first time I walked in here that damn fluff-ball tripped me, sat on me, and clawed the back of my head. He's the reason I approve of Chinese cooking...yes, I went there.

"well, I gotta do so many hours of _community service"_ I said it with a nasally voice, mocking the woman from my high-school who'd told me, " so I can get some scholar-ship. I refuse to be a dumb-ass…and this was the only place I could get. Though, I suppose it's better then dealing with humans…without being paid. What about you?"

He chased Anthony out of his chair so he could sit, the moment he did, the fat orange fluff jumped onto his lap and kneaded his thighs. Lucky cat…

"hey, the kitty matches your hair" scowl. "eh, continue" he rolled his eyes. Tch, jus' sayin'.

"well, my dad's a doctor, so…he covered my tuition, but I'm going to pay him back at some point…I just gotta study. What do your parents do?"

"oh, they have great jobs." It was sick sarcasm…very sick…not so much sarcasm…though not a lie.

"what do they do?"…and here comes the punch-line…to the stomach.

"they feed flowers and worms." I watched him try to figure that out. Eh, that was my usual response. What did it matter to me anyway?

"they're both dead?" bingo! I nodded and picked up the nearest cat, a pretty grey one with blue eyes, the same one that was playing with my shredded shoelace earlier. She was my favorite, a little insane, just like me. "s'okay though, really. I could care less. I have m'own apartment-thing, and cat woman's been payin' me a little bit fer stayin' late…and giving these furry hell-bringers their shots and such…" I held up one of my arms, covered in scratches and bite-marks. Aww, he looked concerned. It felt good. I could've joined the cat chorus in purring.

I took the drink back, mostly using it as an excuse to get closer to him. He stood up abruptly, the fat orange mass in his lap spitting at him and boxing his leg. Yes, cats box, and fuck, they hurt! Especially the ones with claws, and Anthony had a mean left hook he will kick your ass. Though, he's not as bad as Charlie…

I dropped Samantha on the chair so he couldn't sit back down. we were so close, my mind, which had enough problems staying together, just quit. His eyes weren't looking at mine, but lower down on my face. I think that's a good thing… he tilted his head forward just a bit and I stood there dumbly not moving. Damn, if this turned out to be a daydream from my over-active imagination, I would rip it out, shoot it five times in the foot, set it on fire, and drown it.

"hey! Don't scare my cats, they have virgin eyes!" golden eyes smirked at me, the slits narrowing into a leer, when Cat-Woman came down the stairs holding a black cat with matching yellow eyes.

I…will kill that bitch. Rip her stupid purple hair out and shove it up her-

"oh, shit…it's late…I'll see ya…"

"don't swear in front of the cats, damn kid"

"see you tomorrow" if these cats weren't here as witnesses, Yuroichi would be in pieces. In the litter boxes. The door closed, and she clapped her firm hand on my back.

"he is too innocent looking, you're going to corrupt him" I glared at her. "aw, don't be sucha baby, with the way he was trying to be your Siamese twin there…" whatever. I was NOT staying to give the new pussies any shots tonight, she can get her own goddamn arms shredded.

"oh, fine, go home. See ya next Thursday."

I didn't answer, just grabbed my jacket and left. I put it on, not wanting my ass to actually freeze off. Hmm, I wonder if that's possible… I breathed deeply. My hoodie now smelled like him. To put it corny, it smelled like autumn, when everything's sharp and clear, but with something of a spice, when you smell a dead maple leaf. Thinking of those leaves made me think of orange…and of Ichigo..hmm Ichi the leaf. I sat in he front seat of my car, tunneled through my junk for a sheet of paper that was mostly blank. Satisfied with the back of one with half-painted what the fuck, I fished my paints out of the glove compartment…which yes, had some weird mandala/eye/random design of mine. I just felt like entertaining my hands, doing something.

I dipped my finger into the black jar of paint, yes finger…paint brushes are for people who…like…paint brushes?, then drew it across the page. It was a straight-ish line that curled at the end. When I cocked my head to the side I could see a girls face with that curl being a strand of hair over the eye, so I drew the oval of an eye with a circle in it to be the iris. The pad of my finger made the top part of the eye thicker. I wasn't sure what to do next, so I stared at it. then it became a necklace, the original line the chain, and the 'eye' the pendant at the end. Though the eye was more so a circle, making it more watch-like. I added more links here, a little slash there. Then it was time to whip out my paint brush…I only used it for difficult parts, or details. With it, I made the shape more defined, smearing the paint in like a shadow to give it depth. I laid more strokes down, curved lines and ellipses…it looked like fingers around the watch part, so I made it a hand. On the hand I felt like putting my signature designs on it. I had a thing for eyes, everything I painted had an eye on it..always a single eye, all different colored irises, but never natural colors.

I glanced up catching the time, it was already twelve thirty, how the hell did that happen? And I lived all the way across town. Well shit, if I left now my inspiration and ideas would be gone…well fuck it, whatever. Since when have I ever finished anything?

Saluting my hula-girl, I drove off. I like driving at night, no road-assholes were out this late…at least not on a week day…there was something I was forgetting..oh yeah, food. That's always nice.

Why did the sun exist? Couldn't we all just be like lizards on a heating rock? That stupid bright thing…so early in the morning…fuuuuuuu-huuuck. As usual, I arrived at work fifteen minutes late, receiving the usual glare from my busty blonde boss. I yawned at her, the veins popping out of her eye almost visible. I wanted a shirt that read 'I survived the glare of doom'. I would wear it every day. Where was I again? My foot had just fallen asleep…and my body was screaming about how lucky a bastard it was. Sigh. I trudged to the back room to deposit my hoodie and clock in. there was the familiar head of orange hair…and he smelled delicious…like…like bacon. If I hadn't been awake enough to know better, I'd've tried to eat him. As it was, I had to stop myself from salivating…

When he turned around he had two sammiches in his hands. Yes, I call them damn sammiches. Well, one and a half in his hands, the other half was smeared across his face.

"I think the point of food is to eat it…not wear it" he scowled. He did that a lot…did I just now notice that? Why was I awake again?

"I brought you one…" he held his hand out to me. The one with the whole sammich. He…was a GOD…my eyes widened and I could tell they were sparkling, and probably making me look like a chibi. He snickered, but I could care less. There was food! In front of me. I snatched it out of his hands, and bit off half of it. cheese, eggs, bacon…on a sammich. Fatty goodness never tasted so good. He pointed to a table where there were two cups…my now fueled, but foggy, perverted brain thought this: two guys two cups. Sometimes I wanted to smack myself…with a hammer…a jack hammer.

"it's coffee…for yesterday?" c-coffee? Really? I devoured the last of my sammich, and sipped some of it. ahh, there went the last of my taste-buds, nicely burned off. I smiled and turned to him. I could pull a Nel- the Starbuck's girl- and hug him to death. I refrained from the death part, but hugged him. Mmm…hugs…yes, non-girly man hugs. Now I sound like a freak. What the fuck, I will cherish that hug forever.

Leaving him behind, I went to my post at the counter, wonderous, miraculous coffee in hand. Sigh. Once again, no one was here this early. Everyone was at their usual stations. Though I noticed what had been black fine-tip sharpie on Harribel's hands and arm, was now colored in and limp at her side. hot damn, she did that thing over night? It looked even better then her leg…and it was her right arm! She did it left handed…and how the hell did I notice that at nine-thirty? Who the fuck knows.

It was a few hours before anyone even walked by the doors, all the while my caffeine high had worn off, and I was back to trying to induce fainting. All I was getting was a headache and probably a bluish bruise. Eh… Ichigo walked by me several times putting things on shelves…or my favorite, putting things down on low shelves…my favorite because it involved him bending ov- not gonna get into that. Though that shade of red really did look nice stretched tight over his ass- enough! God-fuckin'-damn…I must be brain damaged...

My pleasant view was interrupted by some lunatic who was perky in the morning. Goddamn hairdye…goddamn people..goddamn-

"umm…helloooo?" holy fuck, what was with the people and the anti-spacing-out brigade? I shook the bottle of pink stuff when I slid it over the scanner thing. The bottle felt hot…eh maybe I'm just made of ice.

"twelve ninety-" pewwwww! That's what it sounded like…three seconds after I set it down, the top blew off, spurting pink goop all over my face… death…kill…blood..pain…death to whoever laughed..pain and death for the bottle… I think I was growling. The chick who wanted it backed away…probably afraid I'd have an aneurism…I was damn near it… Ichigo turned around at the 'pewwww! Pop' noise, spotted the pink, and laughed backing away. I swear, if my hair had a pink stripe…I would hunt down whatever force made this happen…and sic my herd of cats on them..or at any rate Charlie…

I jumped over the counter and hit the aisle of hair-dyes as hard as I could, making it shake. Glowering at the howling Grimmjow, I headed towards the back room. As I did, I heard five or six more 'pewwww pop!'-ing noises. What…-thefuck? I went back to the thing I'd just hit wanting to scream.

There were more exploded bottles of coloring, with multi-colored liquid splattered on the shelf…holy shit. I grabbed one, the bottle was hot, so I picked it up and sniffed it. I almost gagged, it smelled like a fuckin' gallon of vinegar…and bleach. What the hell…

Then I examined one of the caps that had blown off, and picked it up. There was white powdery stuff…was that?-I tasted it..salty…like baking soda…and taped inside the cap was a little tissue paper pouch…it was pink- those goddamn motherfucking justice girls! I will kill them all-. How the fuck- when did they- how the hell did this happen? Ichigo came over to me to investigate the mess.

"what-"

"Rukia…and the Justice girls…those motherfuckin goddamn cock-sucking, asshole, fucking..bitch ass-" my mouth was just moving and spitting out any swear word it could in no particular order. But yeah, I was majorly pissed. Not only was there a pink streak in my hair now, but I had to clean up this mess. Fucking what the fuck-damn fucking asshole- my mind followed suit.

"come on, you really want that pink shit to set in your hair? Let's go" as if by magic, my brain changed courses…there was only one bathroom in the back… a single door with a lock…and Ichi would be in there with me…to rinse out pink hair coloring. Fuck it, never mind.

When we went back in there, the door stayed open. Pout. I 'had' to take my shirt off-which magically somehow hadn't gotten pink on its Rocky Horror awesomeness- so I could get myself wet. I was bent over the tiny-ass sink trying to rinse this shit out, with Ichi rubbing soap from the little dispenser into it. his fingers felt niiiiiice…again, I resisted the urge to join the cat-chorus.

"thanks..damn I hope this shit comes out…"

"hah, I can just picture you with a pink stripe…yanno it's on your face too…" he rubbed my face with a wet paper towel that just appeared out of no where.

I closed my eyes. I kept going back to yesterday at cat-ville…when he'd been so damn close…I chewed some more on my piercing…I was going to gnaw it into oblivion.

"so, sorry if Yuroichi scared ya. She's a damn cat-obsessed bitch." Super-pissed man! I needed a shirt with the initials SPM..screw super-man…that ho…fuck, I hate that song.

"s'okay…cats are cool…and eh…no need to scar the cats…" he blushed…again…it never got old though…

"yeah…she had a habit of interrupt-" I couldn't feel anything…everything went blank…my nerves pulling up a 'zero', my eyes all hazy. Nothing but the sensation on my lips…seriously?...this time, I meant it, if it was a dream, I would kill my brain to death. His hands were still rubbing my scalp into the sink, making it feel even better. I couldn't chew on my piercing, it kept rubbing against the inside of my mouth along with his lips… and then it was gone and life was done. Right? I'd done one good thing, and now gck-the sound of death.

"happy now?" he was smirking…and I probably had the expression of a four year old told they were going to Willy Wonka's…if Ichi was a candy-shop, then hot damn, I'd love some cream- SHUT THE FUCK UP! you sick bastard I have for a mind! I wanted to bang my head against the wall till the perv in me ran away screaming…my name. oh god there it goes again.

"yes, ecstatic…" wow, I could talk?...

"I think you can put your shirt back on…" right, right…clothing…shirts…

"yes, but you should take yours off-" I did not just say that out loud…luckily for me, I got away with a roll of the eyes and an easily dodged slap to the face.

Once my Rocky shirt was back on, I looked in the mirror…you could hardly see any color at all in my once again snowy white hair. Hooray for Ichi!...mmmm…hooray for Ichi…FOCUS!

When we emerged from the depths of the employee room, Grimm and Ul were at the counter…and the mess from the explosive hair dye was still there. Dammit. I stared at it, hoping I could erase it with the telekinesis I didn't have…no use, I would have to dig up a mop. Fuck.

I caught Harribel's hidden gaze, and I could see glints of laughter and smirking behind her veil of hair…biiiiiiitch…I stuck my tongue out, something everyone was used to…I headed back to the black-door room, not I was on a mop hunt. Oh, joy.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch-4

While I was mopping up the goddamn gloppy mess, many plots for revenge had come to me…but as far as I know bombs aren't exactly legal…and neither was murder. Of course, other things kept distracting me from trying to figure out how to get away with murder, one of them being my tingly lips, and the sweet tightly red-jean clad ass a few feet away… I continued to nibble my piercing to death.

This colorful mess would not come off! Goddamn! I was half-tempted to tell Harribel that we should leave it like this as a display thing…hell, splattered hair-dye was better then a life-size douche-bag cut-out. Eventually, after what seemed like centuries, but was probably more like five minutes, the floor was less awesome…and I had a Technicolor mop…with matching water. Oh, fuck yes, I've always wanted rainbow janitor supplies…

I dragged my gay mop back to the Twilight Zone- I mean employee's room, not bothering to rinse it out…Ulquiorra can do that on his trash taking out sessions. Both my feet had gone from sleeping to dead…yet my body was still yelling about how lucky they were…I swear I'm not suicidal…my brain is just fucked up..it's not my fault!

I returned to my post, glad that perky-hair-dye girl was gone, and nap-time was upon us-er…me. Grimm wasn't here today, typical Friday…he slept all day to go clubbing at night. Bastard…don't be bothered to take the awesome guy-I'm not conceited. I was very easily distracted…oh shiny!- what?...it's kinda obvious… I started looking around my counter-yes, mine, this also had my name in sharpie on it- in search of something to entertain myself with…seeing as Ichi was busy in the back bringing out new things, and was not out here to entertain me with putting things on shelves…

My laborious efforts brought me a paperclip, a rubber band, another rubber band…cat fur…and-to my utter disgust and horror- a…condom. Neon pink, and…I don't even wanna know what- filled. I poked it with the end of the paper clip…maybe I'd stuff that into Grimmy's locker somehow…cue evil laugh of evilness. And last…and probably least, a pen. Ah well, this at least gave me something to chew on, other then shredding my lucky and tingly lips to pieces.

I flicked the rubber band at Ulquiorra, nonchalantly staring innocently at the ceiling when he turned t glare me to death…and un bent the paper clip, using it to stab holes in the plastic bags I put things in… once that got old, I chewed on the pen. It tasted like plastic…so I chewed some more, enjoying when it scraped my gums…it felt real good…I bent it more, and gnawed the fuck out of it…until it snapped…I ripped it out of my mouth before I got ink in it…I remember when I made the mistake of sucking on the end of a gel pen…I had the taste of that nasty-ass shit on my tongue for a goddamn week…uerugh

Oh…holy fuck! That's it! I knew exactly how to make those motherfuckin goddamn cock-sucking, asshole fucking..bitch ass cunts pay!...well, one of them would!...an evil and psychotic looking grin that I wore well split my face…hmm split faces…like half the face would be a face…the other half could be a watermelon…no~! right, revenge, I knew exactly what I'd do…now I needed a shit-load of pens…

It seems as if whenever I _want _people to come in that they band together and avoid the doors like a plague…maybe I should put a sign on the door that said stay the fuck out, then I know they'd all come rushing in…

How long until lunch again?...two goddamn hours?...maybe I should bang my head a little harder…hmm heads…faces…lips…luscious wonderful pink kissable lips- holy damn I sound like a fuckin' girl…I looked around for the source of my new obsession, finding him hanging yet more things up on shelves…it seemed as if Hot Topic had an infinite amount of stuff to put on shelves that never ended…hell if I cared though.

My obsession kept walking around aimlessly, holding his hands behind his back and _sashaying_ his hips side to side…was he…showing off for me? Oh, fuck yeah! I watched him interestedly and when he finally turned his head looking around I nodded my head, 'oh hell yeah I saw that'…that shade of pink, the only shade of pink that was good in the world graced my presence…on his face…wow, I really am obsessive…someone shoot me now…damn, if he kept moving like that whenever he walked…focus! Right, I need a way to get five million pens by the end of the day…hmm

I decided that I would ask each _customer_ for a pen…and then I'd keep it…if only I had a-oh I did, and she looked pissed off…I really need to quit spacing out…  
she looked embarrassed too, though I guess I would be too if I were buying hot pink lingerie…the bustier things with all that lace. I kept glancing back and force between Ichigo's stretched out form, and the hot pink mess…as usual my mind melded the two images together on its quest to give me a permanent hard-on…I sucked air between my teeth and bit down on my piercing. Nom, nom, nom…

The punk looking girl with multiple ear piercings grabbed her bag and turned to leave…oh wait, my devious plan. "hey, miss" miss? Seriously? Dude, you work in Hot Topic…

"eh?"

"do you have any pens?" I was really getting sick of the high looks…did I need t carry a drug test in my back pocket?...along with all my lighters, pocketknives, crumpled pieces of paper, notes, doodles, lists, yo-yos, bottle caps-

"uh, no." she backed away, then ran out the door…maybe I was what was wrong with business…na, couldn't be… but, damn it…teenagers today couldn't be bothered to carry pens around…which meant I'd have to get off my lazy ass and find them…as if Harribel would let me go though…damn blondy… hmm, Grimm wasn't even here…Ul didn't talk, except to his voices…Ichi-!

I jumped over the counter, almost decapitating some innocent bystander, and made my way to the berry man, who'd unfortunately, gone back to hanging things up… deciding to play ninja, I snuck up on him slowwwwwlyyyy. As soon as I was right behind him, I gave in to one of my many screaming wills and grabbed his ass. Okay, perv-ness satisfied for the time being…which is to say, about five minutes. he squeaked, the cutest goddamn noise I've ever heard.

"oi! What the hell?" aww, he looked like he'd been _violated_-even in my head I said it mockingly-…so adorable…I shrugged, "well you were popping it so deliciously earlier…I have another favor to ask…" I watched him, just wanting to see how his mind would work, whether he was just as much a perv as I was. Hehehe, satisfaction! He blushed and looked around all nervous like.

"oh, it's nothin' tha' bad…I jus' need ya ta take m'place at the counter, till I can round up five gillion pens" the high looks I think were the worst when he gave them to me. And damn, now that cute pink was gone from his face…

"I take it you've figured out some way to kill those girls…with pens?..I've gotta see this…" he catches on quick.

"you wouldn't happen ta have a pen with ya, wouldja?" he shook his head. Oh well…

"thanks Ichi…go!...right, go"

"if it's really that hard to say my whole name, then you _can_ just call me Ichi…" he looked at the floor…hmm I wanna paint the floor-wait…I can callz himz Ichi? Oooohaahhhh ohh happy daaannce!..in my head of course, because I have_ complete_ control over my self…in what universe…two down to the right- what is it with me and talking to myself?

"okay, Ichi…" I guarantee the same insane grin was on my lips…at the word lips, they tingled…I bit my piercing again, one of these days I'm going to bite it off and choke on it…hmm choke..

"well, if you have to round up five thousand"-

"five _gillion_"

"-whatever, five _gillion_ pens, then hurry up" feeling daring, I bent down to kiss him quickly…I could pass a drug test, but I certainly needed my strawberry quick fix…I could've skipped out the doors, hell I probably did.

.

I ran around to every single fucking shop, jacking their pens, my back pockets now had a bunch of pointy things digging into my ass…hmm pointy things…asses…focus! Jeezuz fucking what the fuck…

I still didn't think I had enough pens though…I'd need a fucking ton…I darted around, much like they tell you to do so in walmart, except I refuse to hum the Mission Impossible theme song…finally, I saw a place that would end my search; the stationary store. It was right across from the Victoria's Secret place, and as usual, the anorexic looking mannequins were dressed in hardly anything…but they were just mannequins. Whenever I went inside there, I always got the strangest looks…hmm, couldn't be because I'm a guy…Orihime and Rangiku, the two girls who were on our side in the war, waved at me with their huge bouncy- smiles, yes, smiles… they were either closet whores, or completely bubbly and stupid, because sometimes they'd strut around in the mannequin's '_clothing'_….though I think Rangiku was influencing Orihime for her own personal-

Anyway, stationary…right, pens, paper, stamps, blah,blah…I walked in the entrance, ceasing my awesome ninja-ing skills, going to the back where they had pen refills…hmm, black or blue?...black ink was cheapest…oh, and it came in a bottle! Perfect. I smirked even creepier, scaring the two girls that had been standing next to me…kukukukuku, those bitches would rue! The day they fucked with me. Or at least regret it for a little while for pinking my hair…scowl.

I grabbed several bottles of my needed substance, and walked up to the counter. Some chick with wide glasses was there, her hair back in a bun and a clip board in hand…she looked like she had at least three or fifteen sticks up _her_ ass. Hot damn, fifteen bucks for three black ink things! Pffft, this had damn well better work.

After I had my _specially wrapped_ bag o' stuff, I ran back to work, hopefully in time so that the blonde doom-bringer wouldn't notice I'd been gone…if only I could be so lucky. I skidded to a halt on the black tile, and slowly made my way to the Ichigo in my spot. Woo, there was no one actually in line, and he was pulling a me and banging his head on the counter. I could start a trend, and then take over the universe.

He finally a stopped, a dazed and confused look on his face…one that I wore often and well. He was wearing that clocket again. Yes, clock and locket, clocket. I jumped over the counter, avoiding beheading my Ichi…my?...hmm, maybe mine.

"was your quest fulfilling?" he asked sarcastically

"why, yes. Yes, it was." I took out my precious little things to be used for evil, and pointed at them. I had about fifteen pens, and two bottles of thick black ink.

"what exactly are you planning on doing, captain devious?" I s'pose that's better then captain doofus…

"I can't tell you! That'll ruin the suspeeeense!" he pouted and rolled his eyes, I swear he just keeps getting better and cuter. Once he left, leaving me all alone!- I set to work chewing on my pen collection. This kicks a stamp collection's ass!

I bit down on the top of the pen, snapping the plastic and removing the ink well. Hmm, well that was easy, and it only cost me one tooth! Fourteen more to go… once I reached seven, some dyed black bitch thought he could interrupt me by making me do my job! Oh, the horror…I scowled at him, doing my impersonation of a pissed off Harribel, and rang up his gir hoodie. Pfft, green alien dog thing so damn cute…and it was eating a cupcake…I must have ADHD or something, I couldn't focus on anything for shit!...well except Ichi's fine ass…

The rude snapping of fingers brought me back to the world. Seriously, it was a wonder how no one complained about me…how the hell I kept my job was as much a mystery as why Robert Pattinson is considered attractive. Eh…once the finger snapping asshole was gone, I ran to the employee room thing mabob, now on a hunt for a plastic bag…hmm-hmm-hmm…

I finally had something entertaining to do…besides daydream about Ichigo…and whatever else came to mind…I set to work breaking open each of the pens, and pulling the ink wells out. Once that was done I devoted my time to annoying the fuck out of Ulquiorra…plastic thrown at the back of the head is most annoying…mewhahaha…then I pulled the little metal tips off the end of the thin plastic tube…and lemme tell ya that's hard as fuck! Those little suckers do not like to come off…hot damn…

I had to get the ink out of the little tubes, so…I…blew on the end of it, forcing the ink out. I swear, I am NOT giving ink wells blow jobs…but I know that's exactly what it looked like…I was so fucking glad Grimmjow wasn't here, I'd never live it down…

I had my handy-dandy Ziploc bag filled almost halfway once I was finished blowing the dissected pens. I hope the bottles were like Mary Poppins's bag… well, that's a definite no on bottle one…I unscrewed the lid…hmm I wonder if you can unscrew a person…and give them back their virginity…or take back your dignity…eh…once the second bottle was empty, the bag was nearly to its full point…I wanted to put in one last thing…something incredibly disgusting and ew-ful that was vomit-worthy…oh! I knew just the thing..now where did I leave that paper-clip…

Using the already filthed up paper clip, I searched for the pink condom from b'fore. This would go oh-so nicely with a side of REVENGE…I dunked the miserable piece of plastic into my bag of doom, and sealed it shut. Tonight, payback would be served. Oh, and I finished ink collecting just in time for my Starbuck's run. Hooray!

Successful on my Ichi hunt, I dragged him out of the damned shop and towards throat-scalding goodness. He was a good boy and simply followed. Resistance is futile!

That welcoming smell hit my nose and I walked in, literally throwing the doors aside, ignoring disgruntled coffee-drinkers. Nel was working the counter like a pro as usual, and smiled when she saw me.

"you want your usual today right? Or are you going to become like everyone else and already know what you want?..oh the horror!" her voice was so high pitched and child-like.

"eh, gimme tha usual, whatever concoction you can come up with" sometimes, I had to be careful when I said this. once I pissed her off, and she gave me coffee grind soup. Blech, I always made sure to be pleasant around her. She turned to look at my Ichi…since when had I started referring to him as mine? Oh well, as good as.

"uh…um…"

"jus' give 'I'm whateveh ya gimme, ne?" she nodded and sped off like a lunatic, grabbing random bottles and containers. Nnoitra, one of her co-workers-but I called him the spooner- was used to this and just tried to stay out of her way as she raced around.

Once the…hopefully edible, drinks were finished, she handed them to me over the countertop, and I handed one to Ichi. I sniffed mine first, but he stuck a straw in and sucked it right up…oh the phrasing of that thought…mm-mm-mm-mm-mm..toasty..just kidding. It smelled like cinnamon, and tickled my nose. I sipped a little bit…yep, definitely cinnamon…and chai tea? Really? That was kind of toned down for Nel, oh well, lucky for me.

Ichi and I headed out, choosing to spend the remaining fifteen minutes by the fountain. It was all watery. Surprising. He kept his mouth on the tip of his straw the entire walk. Tease…though I don't think he was doing that on purpose…

Once we were sitting down, with me managing not to fall in…I turned to my Ichi…I guess he wasn't mine yet…but hot damn did I want him to be…and technically HE kissed me, so- dare I ask? Hmm, to ask or not to ask, that is the question. no, I do not like Shakespeare…ueurgh, but who hasn't heard that line b'fore? But seriously…ask or not…my little metal nub was being tortured again…"earth to shiiiiirrrooo?" oh yeah, planet earth, that's where I'm supposed to be.

"yes?"

"what's your world like? It must be damn spiffy since that's where you spend most of the time at." Spiffy? Did he really just say 'damn spiffy'? oh my fucking-I laughed at that, causing several looks to come my way…probably concerned for my mental health-which was very ill and on its death bed.

"spiffy?" he huffed at my teasing tone.

"yes, damn spiffy. Don't judge." Aw.

"well then. I think _you're_ damn spiffy" ah yes, that blessed pink blush. It was my new favorite color. I was glad he didn't choke on that straw….I could think of something else he could choke on…damn, I wish I could mentally slap myself.

I heard him mumble something under his breath. "eh?, whatdja say Ichi?" I guess I get a kick out of thoroughly embarrassing him. .haha.

"I said…I think…you're _damn spiffy_ too…" it was incredibly awesomely amazingly utterly…wonderousfull when he said that, chorus of cats went off, the lights dimmed, time stopped!...well, it did in my head anyways.

To ask it was then. I couldn't take it anymore, he was all mine now.

"yer mine now." I said it just like that, and pulled an Ichi, with kissing him bent backwards over the water-just like in the bathroom…except regrettably, his shirt was on. Alas, not everything can be perfect.

Sadly, my stupid useless lungs decided they wanted oxygen of all things and I had to pull away from his panting…alluring…sexy…body- yeah, and he looked happy as I felt. I smirked.

"so does this mean yer me-"

"yes, yes, don't say it outloud" he put his hands over his blushing face. Aw, he was embarrassed…he was very self-conscious I noticed…damn, that meant he was a prude I bet. No raunchy hot sex for me…shit, I barely know him. I need a brain-muzzle…

"aww, hahaha." He scowl-glared.

"we should go back now…I'm sure twenty minutes has gone" damn it…oh well. If I came to work everyday, I'd have a twenty minute date with Ichi every day as well. Woo… the whole walk back I hung off of him, showing the jealous bitches, that fuck yeah, this un's mine motherfuckah!

More people had shown up during our break, proving my theory-that they show up when I don't want them- correct. I was unceremoniously brought back from my Ichi-induced-high, when some asshole brought their haridye to the counter. I eyed it, poked it with a dismembered pen piece, and pushed it over the scanner with said broken pen piece. What was with people and hair dye?...and the kitty ears, and the skull earrings, and the gloves, and the…ooh I had no problem with the skirts anymore…and the rubber bands?

Finally, after an agonizingly long time-ten whole goddamn minutes- I was free from typing, receipting, and adding. I shook the Ziploc bag I'd stashed under my chair, sloshing the black mess around. Five more hours….

.

Closing time had arrived, Harribel was locking up, and I stood by the stairs with my bag of black goo. This would be the tricky part, sneaking into the Justice store without tripping alarms…the whole mall had universal locks, so my key would work, but I was still wary that the demon spawn-Yachiru- would jump at me and eat my head. The one on my shoulders.

I ran upstairs, to the same pink shop, the mannequin I'd artfully glued to the stand was covered with a flowered cloth. Yeuch, it was much better my way. I dug in my pocket for the silvery key…it was next to my pack of gum, which was on top of my yoyo which was tied to my three favorite bottle caps which were-okay okay. The lock clicked and I snuck inside, tippy-toeing through the eye melting pinkness. I narrowly missed decapitation via shoe stand, and avoiding knocking over a huge pile of…clothing, if you could call it that.

I made my way to the back, searching for their back room…ah! Here it was, the employee's room, each square in the mall, except for the kiosks, have one…and they usually have….yes! a bathroom. Perfect. Smirk. I wasn't completely sure how I was gonna do this, but I'd figure it out as I went along. The door was, thankfully, not pink, so I didn't have to worry about incinerating on contact. It slid open without a sound, and I spotted the sink. That's what I'll do then!

I knelt down beside it, opening the cabinet underneath the sink's countertop. I didn't look at what…lay in there besides cleaner. Shudder… there was a wrench somewhere under here though, I knew…all sinks have a wrench…found it. plan evil revenge victory!, is a go..or perv…oh, goddamn it! even my subconscious is perverted!

I undid the thing holding the two pipes together, and pulled them open just a little bit so it wouldn't break, and undid the zipped part of my inky Ziploc. Hmm, I wonder if pen sucking is how Harribel got her ink. Do not think about that, do not re-word that..bad Shiro!

I set the plastic bag into the pipe, sliding it in, leaving it undone, and pushed the pipe back over it, screwing it shut tightly. I had had to learn about some basic plumbing in order to keep my apartment going, so I knew how to adjust the water pressure. I pulled myself out of the cabinet, shut it and leaned back on my haunches. I was very proud of myself. Now, whoever the first person to come in and wash their hands, whenever they turned the faucet on, ink would come up- and now that I think about it, so would that condom-with the water and explode in their face…all I had to do was make sure they needed to rinse their hands…and that's what chocolate syrup on the front door handle is for! They'd think that was the prank, scoff at my stupidity, and get ink+condom juice in their face! I left the store laughing my ass off, and once again, even though I hoped I was alone, I still got the high look from a janitor. Nea, I was meant to go through life as an accused drug-addict, I knew it!

* * *

Okay, I'm trying to decide whether or not to put in a lemon. I'd like to, but this is more for a humorous fic then anything else…and of course if I did a lemon, I'd have to let Shiro's fantasies come true…and Ichigo would probably end up in a skirt. With black lace and chains..yum…*drools*…anyway, if you want a lemon for this, say so in a review, they truly are wonderful things. :D *sparkly Shiro bacon sammich eyes*

P.S. it might be a lot longer between updates because i'll be computer deprived...and then it'll take a while for me to get my brain juices flowng again wih my sarcasm serum- anyway, don't expect fast updates after this one...or the next one... sorry T.T


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